Overcoming Loneliness and Trauma: Insights from Dr. Gabor Maté
- Alma Reeves
- Sep 5, 2025
- 4 min read
More and more people suffering from loneliness are not realising that the feeling of loneliness, the trauma we suffer from various times in life ( including childhood traumas) and the so-called " victim mindset:
ALL of them connected. In this video, Dr. Gabor Maté discusses the victim mindset, the importance of trauma-informed therapy, and parenting in a digital age. He emphasises healing from childhood wounds, understanding triggers, and nurturing children's emotional needs in today's challenging environment.
Understanding the Victim Mindset
Dr. Gabor Maté begins by addressing the victim mindset, a state where individuals feel that the world is against them. He acknowledges that many people experience feelings of loneliness and despair, often rooted in childhood experiences of helplessness. Maté emphasises that these feelings are not reflective of one's current situation but rather of past emotional wounds.
He encourages individuals to consider the possibility of healing, stating that expressing feelings of despair is often a cry for help. Those who voice their struggles are already taking a step towards seeking assistance, which is crucial for recovery.
The Importance of Connection
Maté stresses that humans are inherently social beings who thrive in connection and community. He reassures those feeling isolated that they are not alone; millions share similar struggles. He highlights that feelings of loneliness and depression are normal responses to abnormal circumstances, and seeking help is a vital part of the healing process.
Finding the Right Help
A significant challenge in addressing mental health issues is finding the right kind of professionals who understand trauma. Many medical practitioners, including psychiatrists, often lack training in trauma-informed care and people who need the most care are often missing out and many times they feel worse. Traditional therapies may focus on changing behaviours without addressing the underlying trauma that causes these behaviours.
He recommends looking for therapists trained in trauma-specific modalities such as:
Somatic Experiencing
Sensory Motor Psychotherapy
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
Internal Family Systems (IFS)
Compassionate Inquiry
These approaches aim to address the core wounds rather than just the symptoms, facilitating deeper healing.
Navigating Triggers During Recovery
As individuals progress in their healing journey, they may encounter triggers that evoke past trauma. Maté advises reframing the question from "Why is this happening to me?" to "What is this teaching me?" .
This shift in perspective fosters self-reflection and understanding rather than resentment.
He explains that triggers are often small events that reveal deeper emotional charges within us. Instead of blaming external circumstances, individuals should explore what unresolved issues may be surfacing. This process of compassionate curiosity allows for personal growth and healing.
Changing the Inner Dialogue
Maté discusses the importance of the internal voice that often criticises and judges us. He encourages individuals to recognise this voice as a remnant of childhood beliefs formed in response to early experiences. By acknowledging this voice and treating it with compassion, individuals can begin to change their self-talk and foster a healthier relationship with themselves.
Emotional Triggers
When we encounter an emotional trigger, our body often reacts before our conscious mind can catch up. This physical response is your nervous system’s way of preparing you to handle what it perceives as a situation of emotional significance. Questions like" these feelings should not be coming up " are not helping ...instead, we can gently investigate the root causes... How we handle these triggers is important in our healing journey.
Learning to recognise these bodily signals can give us more emotional awareness before we’re fully swept up in an intense reaction.
Parenting in a Digital Age
In addressing the challenges of parenting today, Maté highlights the difficulties posed by modern distractions and technology. He emphasises that parenting was traditionally a communal activity, and the lack of support in contemporary society can hinder effective parenting.
Key Advice for Parents:
Prioritise Your Well-Being: Parents should take care of their emotional health, as children are sensitive to their parents' emotional states. A parent's happiness is a gift to their child.
Understand Children's Needs: Children require unconditional love and acceptance. They should be allowed to express their emotions without suppression.
Encourage Outdoor Play: Limit screen time and promote spontaneous play in nature. This fosters healthy brain development and emotional well-being.
Maté warns against the pervasive influence of technology on children, advocating for a lifestyle that prioritises real-world interactions over digital distractions.
Conclusion
Dr. Gabor Maté's insights provide a roadmap for overcoming feelings of loneliness and trauma. By understanding the roots of our emotional struggles, seeking appropriate help, and fostering healthy relationships with ourselves and our children, we can navigate the complexities of modern life with resilience and compassion. Healing is possible, and it begins with acknowledging our past and embracing the present.
Full video of the full interview I did with Dr. Gabor Maté:
Dr. Maté is a retired physician who spent 20 years in family practice and worked for over a decade in Vancouver’s Downtown East Side with patients challenged by drug addiction and mental illness.
Gabor is an internationally renowned speaker, highly sought after for his expertise on addiction, trauma, childhood development, and the relationship of stress and illness
He is the bestselling author of five books published in thirty languages, including his latest book, The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture.
Comments